Action step six: Do a weekly schedule for moms care

This schedule should consist of who is visiting her, family, and friends, medical. It should list when she gets her medicines, baths, laundry, and special diet restrictions and be a useful tool for everyone.

If you are fortunate enough to have help from your family, list all the times family members will commit to taking mom out or just visiting her. If Friday is the day her friend will be picking her up to go play bingo, list that too. If your brother is picking her up to stay with his family for the next weekend, list that too. You might even want to make that list available on line for everyone’s conveience. Maybe make a website for mom!! www.grannyannie.com as an example.

By designing a schedule, you will assure that you will get help carting for your mother and know when you can take a break as well.

Lesson Six: Seeking outside help…

Even the caregiver needs time off. Chances are that your family has one primary caregiver, more often than not, it is the youngest sibbling. It is crucial for the caregiver to have a break. There are many places mom can visit to give you a break. How about visiting an out of town relative? Taking a trip with a friend; playing bingo; church gatherings and activity groups; adult day care to name a few.
Earlier we mentioned asking your family for help. In this section we will provide additional solutions to helping take care of your mom.

If mom was just released form a hospital stay, you can arrange for some home care. Check her insurance to make sure the home care is covered. When my mom came home after her heart surgery, we had visiting nurses, physical therapists as well as nurse’s aids to give mom a bath and general conversation. Check with your hospital and ask who takes car of home visits for your moms health care personnel.

Action Step Five: Build mom a friendship base

If you are starting from scratch, seek out senior citizen activities in your community.
In Troy Michigan where we come from, there is a senior citizens group that meets every Friday from 11 am to 4 pm. They have lunch and play bingo and socialize. This has been one very powerful way for my mom to get out and rebuild her friendship train.

Since my mom cannot drive, I have encouraged her to call one of the ladies she knows from church and bum a ride. This has worked very well for her as the two of them often go out for dinner after the day at the senior citizen social.

Another place for mom to find friends is the church community.
Our church has singles night activities, senior gatherings and functions as well as socials after mass where mom can socialize and practice her social skills.
It may take some time for mom to become comfortable with this process so be encouraging for her to go out and make new friends.

I remember when my father first passed; my mom had nobody since she spent all her time with my dad.
To make matters worse, my dad did everything for her. He paid the bills, wrote all the checks, fixed the car, washed the car, handled all the homes repairs…well you get the idea. Mom was very lost when dad passed. So, it was not easy for her to begin again without him in her life.
I remember the day she called me and asked for help writing a check. She had never written a check in her life!
You know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That is the attitude you need to have when rebuilding moms friendship train, take it one step or visit or gathering at a time.

Lesson Five: The importance of friends

Over the years as we raise our children, we often loose track of our personal friendships and relationships. In our senior years, it is very important to have a friend base to share life with, especially if we do not have a spouse.
This post has been added to help you help mom in rebuilding that friendship train!

Mom in her senior years may have lost some of her personal skills for sharing a relationship. One way to help her polish those skills is to rent a movie that warms her heart like “Terms of Endearment”. You pick the movie…our point here is pick a movie that has a plot around friends. This will help her rediscover the way to be a friend and how to socialize with friends without you having to lecture her (which does not work).

Some things to do or activities for mom and her friends include bingo, old movies, new movies at a theater, senior day trips, crossword puzzles, games, oil painting, remodeling and even community adult education.

Another way to build the friendship base is on line. Sure she could meet someone to date but be careful; there are strange people out there. Sure you can use a dating service like Match Maker. Com to meet members of the opposite sex, but you can also meet friends there too!!

When filling out the profile, simply list all the specifics of who you are looking for and would eventually like to meet. If you have any experiences with helping your mom on line to meet someone, please email me.

Ed@PrimeauProductions.com

Action step four: Sell the car and spend the money

Let your mom know you feel that the car could benefit someone else, like another family member, student or someone else in your community. Chances are that the car is in wonderful shape because most granny cars are!!
If you are not selling her car to a family member, here is the process to get the most money for her car.
Call her bank or credit union or go online to find out the blue book value of the car.
This is your first piece of information you need to decide on an asking and selling price.
Next, get a newspaper and look at comparable cars and what they are asking for them. Either your city or community newspaper or some sort of auto trader will do.
In our opinion, a granny car is worth around 10% more than the non-granny cars because of the care and condition of the granny car.
Let’s hypothetically say the blue book is $2500.00 and the comparable cars are selling for $2300 to $2800 depending on mileage. Then you want to list your asking price at $3200.
You want to leave a bit of room for negotiation.
Now it’s time to write you’re used car add.
Here is a sample ad:
1990 Olds Cutlass Supreme “Grandma Car” very clean and like new!
45,000 original one-owner miles. Great for anyone who needs dependable transportation.
Call between 5pm and 9pm only. (list phone number)

Once the car sells (cash only), take your mom shopping! Otherwise begin planning her trip….with family or friends.

Lesson Four: Mom Can’t Drive Any More.

One of the toughest things for an elderly person to accept is not being able to drive anymore. These words to her mean taking away her independence. My mom has dealt pretty well with having others drive her but she has her moments. In her mind, someday she will be better and be able to drive again. To this day, she will ask me when she’ll be able to drive again. It’s tough to reputedly tell he she won’t be driving again. In fact, I encourage you NOT to be the one who tells he she can’t drive, and then you will be the bad guy. Better to let the doctor or social worker do the talking. In fact, in a real tough situation, take mom to a Secretary of State office to take the driving test.

One major factor to consider is to sell her car and give her the money for her discretionary fund. Say her car sells for $2500. This money could be used on something else that could make her happy, like cloths, a trip or vacation, several beauty salon visits or a new household item. Hey, the car was just sitting there anyway! Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Action Step Three: Take Mom Shopping

What a great way to help mom feel good about herself all over again. Plus, the new cloths will fit her new physique better than the old ones she may have shrunk out of.
So your next action step will be to take mom shopping and buy at least one new outfit.
As a result to my encouragement, mom has recently purchased a complete new wardrobe.

So, discover what her favorite store is and plan a shopping excursion. More than likely she can afford it but if not, have the family all kick in for her new cloths. It will make everyone feel good and get mom looking her best for other social gatherings.

One word of caution. Watch out for catalog capers your mom might fall into. Hey, there is nothing wrong with catalogs as they have their place. My point is when sizes change; it is necessary for mom to try on her new wardrobe. It’s best to take her shopping plus it gets her out of the house.

If you do have to rely on catalogs, measure mom so you have a better idea on what her size is. This will help minimize returns and trips to the post office.

Lesson three: The incredible shrinking woman

Change is inevitable. Men experience all types of bodily change. When women get old, all sorts of things happen that make the male issues pale in comparison to what women experience. Hormones change, weight and height also change. Women actually shrink. This shrinking is due to the reduction of calcium in their bodies causing their spines to get shorter. At least that's what I have been told.

One thing I noticed about my mom was how she shrank out of her cloths. After some serious persuading, I encouraged her to get a new wardrobe which she needed for many reasons.

The situation my mom had that was causing her to shrink was Osteoporosis. Osteoporosis is a bone density reduction that is caused by a reduction of calcium in her body.

Shrinking is another way of life that we have to accept. So, like any other situation we have to accept and adjust to, shopping is a great distraction and cure for the blah's. Read on to action step three for some ideas on how to lighten up this physical condition.

Ann Primeau Video Interview Part Three

Here is the last part of this three part video I recorded of my Mom. I know that this interview series will live a long time after I am gone on this blog. I feel very blessed to have been born and raised by this wonderful woman.



Film and Video Transfer and Restoration
800-647-4281

Ann Primeau Video Interview Part Two of Three

Ann Primeau video interview part two of three recorded in 2004. Everyone should interview their parents while they are alive to pass on their legacy. This interview was recorded using a Cannon XL2 with very little supplemental lighting and a wired lavaliere microphone.



Film and Video Transfer and Restoration
800-647-4281

Ann Primeau Video Interview Part One of Three

Ann Primeau video interview part one of three recorded in 2004. Everyone should interview their parents while they are alive to pass on their legacy. This interview was recorded using a Cannon XL2 with very little supplemental lighting and a wired lavaliere microphone.

Film and Video Transfer and Restoration
800-647-4281

Action Step Two: Design a Granny e-mail update

It’s now time to take charge with your mom’s future care by asking your family for help. This could be your most powerful tool, and it is virtually cost free!!! I call it a granny update.

The granny update is an email designed to update family members on mom’s condition. Start out by briefly describing your purpose in the granny update.

I first conceived the idea as a way to keep family members updated on my mom’s condition after her heart surgery. Too many of our family members were calling the hospital asking for information when the nurse said to us one day that she wanted us, as a family to pick a family spokesperson.

Imagine the hospital having lets say 1000 patients. (They have more than that but just for the sake of this example, we’ll pick 1000). If they had to speak to more than one family member per day to update them on the patient, they would spend all their time communicating instead of caring for. So, I became the spokesperson with my brother Jim as the back up. Now back to my idea if family communication.
I decided on email since it was quick and convenient.
My purpose was to keep the family informed with mom’s progress healing and recovering from her heart surgery.

But it cannot all be serious. It had to have some character. So I decided to take it to the next level. I gave it some human element and stories. So the next step when designing your email update is to include a story or two about something mom did or said.

Mom would often times ask me where something was that she could not find. Sometimes she would ask me what I did with it. My first response was to get angry at her accusation but did a left turn with that thought when Nancy reminded me that she was not herself and I should try to understand.

Close the granny update with a request for action but do this non-offensively by asking the family for advise. On one occasion I asked if anyone knew a good cleaning service. One of Moms grandkids came forward and stopped by the next Sunday and cleaned her housetop to bottom.
There will be a lot of Doctors appointments so you might want to ask for help with taking mom to the doctor. This can be done non-offensively by just throwing the request out to the family. “Anyone available to take Mom to the heart doctor next Wednesday at nine AM?



The soft approach worked well for me but may not work so well for you. You might have to be firmer with your request but keep this in mind. You won’t get anywhere forcing a family member into helping if they don’t want to.

But why would they NOT want to help? Maybe they don’t have the patience. Maybe they can’t handle the thought of getting old and their own mortality.

Lastly, make the data list as large as possible for you granny update. Include all children, grandchildren, cousins, aunts and uncles. That way, the odds of achieving your number one goal of getting help are increased.

Lesion Two: “The Importance of Family”

You may or may not keep in touch with your family but either way still can benefit from this section. Since you have sought out this e-book, you are probably the one in your family who noticed that mom is getting old and needs some assistance with her life.

Caring for mom in her senior years can be a learning and rewarding experience.
There are direct rewards and indirect rewards. One of my indirect rewards was reuniting with my family.

I had sent out emails entitled “Granny Update #43”. The numbers were insignificant and simply to add some humor. In the email update, I would describe mom’s progress, problem areas, medicine and diet changes (like low sodium and liquids) as well as funny stories.

One such story is how mom one day decided she would look for a clothing item that has been gone for over 40 years. It’s not really funny per se but can be described funny in a written story based on your own family’s sense of humor.
Sure it seems kind of sad but it’s much more sensible to make light of it instead of bumming out over it.

Anyway, in the Granny Update, I mention to the family (my list had 3 siblings, 17 nieces and nephews (moms grandchildren) things they could talk to grandma about when visiting her. Also, I asked them for advise on things like cleaning and bathing mom. These were things I felt I needed help with. I had hoped someone would come over and help me with these things. Your list might be different.

My message here is find some things others can help with. Things like doing her cleaning and laundry. Since aging adults are not as neat as when they were young, they need their cleaning more frequently.
I also asked for help with bathing mom. She has since healed from her surgery and can take her own baths again.

Lesson One: “How can I Understand What Mom is going through?”

This question first hit me when I moved into my mom’s house after her heart surgery.
I found a picture of mom holding her first son, my brother Tom. She was 20 years old and so beautiful; she hardly looked like the same person I know today.

It is hard to imagine this scenario, especially when you realize this will be you someday.
This is the same person, the same heart, the same lungs and the same body, just a bit more worn than the earlier picture. What a heavy concept to understand. But how do we understand? Do we even need to understand? Like anything in life where decisions have to be made, you need to have a basic understanding of all the details and options of any given choice before you can make a decision. This is called an informed decision and details are what you need to have a basic understanding of how mom feels and what she is going through. This is necessary to do first because it is the backbone for your plan to take care of your mother in her senior years.

Action Step Number One -The path of self-discovery.

As Steven Covey says in his book the seven habits of highly effective people, “seek first to understand then to be understood”. We need to be sympathetic of what our mom is feeling and experiencing. In a moment we’ll share with you our discoveries. But first, let’s look at your mother.

To help you better understand your mom understand that everyone is unique so you want to ask your mom these questions:
1. What is it that you dislike most that you have to do in your life currently?
2. What makes you happiest in your life?
3. What are some of your fondest memories?
4. If you could leave one message for future generations, what would it be?

Elderly citizens are often crabby, self centered and crotchety. Some of your mom’s answers may reflect these negative areas. That’s ok. We are in the discovery phase.

My mom’s answers look something like this:
1. Not being myself.
2. Visiting with my family
3. She told me about events in her early life.
4. Enjoy every minute you have and don’t wait for tomorrow.

Pretty profound eh? Discovery and a lesson; we now know more about making her happy and what makes her unhappy. It creates awareness with her and with you!

In addition, she has given you an important piece of information! A lesson she has learned over the course of her lifetime. This is true wisdom learned from someone that brought you into this world. Even though this wisdom does not always seem to be so.

Whatever her answers were, they will help you for future planning for your moms care. You now know what she likes and dislikes and how she will react to different living and care scenarios.

Action Step Number One -The Path of Self-Discovery.

As Steven Covey says in his book the seven habits of highly effective people, “seek first to understand then to be understood”. We need to be sympathetic of what our mom is feeling and experiencing. In a moment we’ll share with you our discoveries. But first, let’s look at your mother.

To help you better understand your mom understand that everyone is unique so you want to ask your mom these questions:
1. What is it that you dislike most that you have to do in your life currently?
2. What makes you happiest in your life?
3. What are some of your fondest memories?
4. If you could leave one message for future generations, what would it be?

Elderly citizens are often crabby, self centered and crotchety. Some of your mom’s answers may reflect these negative areas. That’s ok. We are in the discovery phase.

My mom’s answers look something like this:
1. Not being myself.
2. Visiting with my family
3. She told me about events in her early life.
4. Enjoy every minute you have and don’t wait for tomorrow.

Pretty profound eh? Discovery and a lesson; we now know more about making her happy and what makes her unhappy. It creates awareness with her and with you!

In addition, she has given you an important piece of information! A lesson she has learned over the course of her lifetime. This is true wisdom learned from someone that brought you into this world. Even though this wisdom does not always seem to be so.

Whatever her answers were, they will help you for future planning for your moms care. You now know what she likes and dislikes and how she will react to different living and care scenarios.

Lesson One: “How can I Understand What Mom is going through?”

This question first hit me when I moved into my mom’s house after her heart surgery. I found a picture of mom holding her first son, my brother Tom. She was 20 years old and so beautiful; she hardly looked like the same person I know today.

It is hard to imagine this scenario, especially when you realize this will be you someday.

This is the same person, the same heart, the same lungs and the same body, just a bit more worn than the earlier picture. What a heavy concept to understand. But how do we understand? Do we even need to understand? Like anything in life where decisions have to be made, you need to have a basic understanding of all the details and options of any given choice before you can make a decision. This is called an informed decision and details are what you need to have a basic understanding of how mom feels and what she is going through. This is necessary to do first because it is the backbone for your plan to take care of your mother in her senior years.

Taking Care of Mom-A Blog to help the Sandwich Generation

There is a fairly new term that was coined a few years ago. That term is “sandwich generation. This is the term used to describe people who have children and elderly parents to care for. These are the people humming along in life, working the way up the ladder of success, raising a family, having grandpa and grandma help out with the kids when all of a sudden, it hits us like a ton of bricks. Moms getting old. She cannot take care of herself anymore. Often times her husband is still with her but other times not. There are several issues these sandwich generation people need to address. I am one of those sandwich people.

Our purpose in writing this blog is to provide laypersons successes, failures and suggestions as to how to deal with an aging mother. Things the doctors do not tell you nor will help you with. I continued to care for my mother until she died in 2004. This blog is a self-help guide to make your life easier when dealing with your senior mother.

“Taking Care of Mom” is short and to the point. It is not full of a bunch of hype or fluff. It simply addresses issues and creates awareness on getting old. With that said, let’s get to our first lesson.

The first lesson will be posted soon. Please subscribe to be notified of new postings.