Lesson One: “How can I Understand What Mom is going through?”

This question first hit me when I moved into my mom’s house after her heart surgery.
I found a picture of mom holding her first son, my brother Tom. She was 20 years old and so beautiful; she hardly looked like the same person I know today.

It is hard to imagine this scenario, especially when you realize this will be you someday.
This is the same person, the same heart, the same lungs and the same body, just a bit more worn than the earlier picture. What a heavy concept to understand. But how do we understand? Do we even need to understand? Like anything in life where decisions have to be made, you need to have a basic understanding of all the details and options of any given choice before you can make a decision. This is called an informed decision and details are what you need to have a basic understanding of how mom feels and what she is going through. This is necessary to do first because it is the backbone for your plan to take care of your mother in her senior years.

Action Step Number One -The path of self-discovery.

As Steven Covey says in his book the seven habits of highly effective people, “seek first to understand then to be understood”. We need to be sympathetic of what our mom is feeling and experiencing. In a moment we’ll share with you our discoveries. But first, let’s look at your mother.

To help you better understand your mom understand that everyone is unique so you want to ask your mom these questions:
1. What is it that you dislike most that you have to do in your life currently?
2. What makes you happiest in your life?
3. What are some of your fondest memories?
4. If you could leave one message for future generations, what would it be?

Elderly citizens are often crabby, self centered and crotchety. Some of your mom’s answers may reflect these negative areas. That’s ok. We are in the discovery phase.

My mom’s answers look something like this:
1. Not being myself.
2. Visiting with my family
3. She told me about events in her early life.
4. Enjoy every minute you have and don’t wait for tomorrow.

Pretty profound eh? Discovery and a lesson; we now know more about making her happy and what makes her unhappy. It creates awareness with her and with you!

In addition, she has given you an important piece of information! A lesson she has learned over the course of her lifetime. This is true wisdom learned from someone that brought you into this world. Even though this wisdom does not always seem to be so.

Whatever her answers were, they will help you for future planning for your moms care. You now know what she likes and dislikes and how she will react to different living and care scenarios.