Action Step Five: Build mom a friendship base

If you are starting from scratch, seek out senior citizen activities in your community.
In Troy Michigan where we come from, there is a senior citizens group that meets every Friday from 11 am to 4 pm. They have lunch and play bingo and socialize. This has been one very powerful way for my mom to get out and rebuild her friendship train.

Since my mom cannot drive, I have encouraged her to call one of the ladies she knows from church and bum a ride. This has worked very well for her as the two of them often go out for dinner after the day at the senior citizen social.

Another place for mom to find friends is the church community.
Our church has singles night activities, senior gatherings and functions as well as socials after mass where mom can socialize and practice her social skills.
It may take some time for mom to become comfortable with this process so be encouraging for her to go out and make new friends.

I remember when my father first passed; my mom had nobody since she spent all her time with my dad.
To make matters worse, my dad did everything for her. He paid the bills, wrote all the checks, fixed the car, washed the car, handled all the homes repairs…well you get the idea. Mom was very lost when dad passed. So, it was not easy for her to begin again without him in her life.
I remember the day she called me and asked for help writing a check. She had never written a check in her life!
You know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That is the attitude you need to have when rebuilding moms friendship train, take it one step or visit or gathering at a time.

Lesson Five: The importance of friends

Over the years as we raise our children, we often loose track of our personal friendships and relationships. In our senior years, it is very important to have a friend base to share life with, especially if we do not have a spouse.
This post has been added to help you help mom in rebuilding that friendship train!

Mom in her senior years may have lost some of her personal skills for sharing a relationship. One way to help her polish those skills is to rent a movie that warms her heart like “Terms of Endearment”. You pick the movie…our point here is pick a movie that has a plot around friends. This will help her rediscover the way to be a friend and how to socialize with friends without you having to lecture her (which does not work).

Some things to do or activities for mom and her friends include bingo, old movies, new movies at a theater, senior day trips, crossword puzzles, games, oil painting, remodeling and even community adult education.

Another way to build the friendship base is on line. Sure she could meet someone to date but be careful; there are strange people out there. Sure you can use a dating service like Match Maker. Com to meet members of the opposite sex, but you can also meet friends there too!!

When filling out the profile, simply list all the specifics of who you are looking for and would eventually like to meet. If you have any experiences with helping your mom on line to meet someone, please email me.

Ed@PrimeauProductions.com

Action step four: Sell the car and spend the money

Let your mom know you feel that the car could benefit someone else, like another family member, student or someone else in your community. Chances are that the car is in wonderful shape because most granny cars are!!
If you are not selling her car to a family member, here is the process to get the most money for her car.
Call her bank or credit union or go online to find out the blue book value of the car.
This is your first piece of information you need to decide on an asking and selling price.
Next, get a newspaper and look at comparable cars and what they are asking for them. Either your city or community newspaper or some sort of auto trader will do.
In our opinion, a granny car is worth around 10% more than the non-granny cars because of the care and condition of the granny car.
Let’s hypothetically say the blue book is $2500.00 and the comparable cars are selling for $2300 to $2800 depending on mileage. Then you want to list your asking price at $3200.
You want to leave a bit of room for negotiation.
Now it’s time to write you’re used car add.
Here is a sample ad:
1990 Olds Cutlass Supreme “Grandma Car” very clean and like new!
45,000 original one-owner miles. Great for anyone who needs dependable transportation.
Call between 5pm and 9pm only. (list phone number)

Once the car sells (cash only), take your mom shopping! Otherwise begin planning her trip….with family or friends.

Lesson Four: Mom Can’t Drive Any More.

One of the toughest things for an elderly person to accept is not being able to drive anymore. These words to her mean taking away her independence. My mom has dealt pretty well with having others drive her but she has her moments. In her mind, someday she will be better and be able to drive again. To this day, she will ask me when she’ll be able to drive again. It’s tough to reputedly tell he she won’t be driving again. In fact, I encourage you NOT to be the one who tells he she can’t drive, and then you will be the bad guy. Better to let the doctor or social worker do the talking. In fact, in a real tough situation, take mom to a Secretary of State office to take the driving test.

One major factor to consider is to sell her car and give her the money for her discretionary fund. Say her car sells for $2500. This money could be used on something else that could make her happy, like cloths, a trip or vacation, several beauty salon visits or a new household item. Hey, the car was just sitting there anyway! Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Action Step Three: Take Mom Shopping

What a great way to help mom feel good about herself all over again. Plus, the new cloths will fit her new physique better than the old ones she may have shrunk out of.
So your next action step will be to take mom shopping and buy at least one new outfit.
As a result to my encouragement, mom has recently purchased a complete new wardrobe.

So, discover what her favorite store is and plan a shopping excursion. More than likely she can afford it but if not, have the family all kick in for her new cloths. It will make everyone feel good and get mom looking her best for other social gatherings.

One word of caution. Watch out for catalog capers your mom might fall into. Hey, there is nothing wrong with catalogs as they have their place. My point is when sizes change; it is necessary for mom to try on her new wardrobe. It’s best to take her shopping plus it gets her out of the house.

If you do have to rely on catalogs, measure mom so you have a better idea on what her size is. This will help minimize returns and trips to the post office.

Lesson three: The incredible shrinking woman

Change is inevitable. Men experience all types of bodily change. When women get old, all sorts of things happen that make the male issues pale in comparison to what women experience. Hormones change, weight and height also change. Women actually shrink. This shrinking is due to the reduction of calcium in their bodies causing their spines to get shorter. At least that's what I have been told.

One thing I noticed about my mom was how she shrank out of her cloths. After some serious persuading, I encouraged her to get a new wardrobe which she needed for many reasons.

The situation my mom had that was causing her to shrink was Osteoporosis. Osteoporosis is a bone density reduction that is caused by a reduction of calcium in her body.

Shrinking is another way of life that we have to accept. So, like any other situation we have to accept and adjust to, shopping is a great distraction and cure for the blah's. Read on to action step three for some ideas on how to lighten up this physical condition.

Ann Primeau Video Interview Part Three

Here is the last part of this three part video I recorded of my Mom. I know that this interview series will live a long time after I am gone on this blog. I feel very blessed to have been born and raised by this wonderful woman.



Film and Video Transfer and Restoration
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